I know this is going to set off a deluge, but so be it.

I had a very "interesting" dining experience recently. A woman and her daughter came in to an establishment at which we were eating and sat at a booth that was parallel to my family's booth. The child asked the waiter for the "Despicable Me" special. The waiter informed the child and her mother that he was sorry, but they didn't have the special. The little girl had a fit. For at least 15 minutes, we sat and listened while the mother went back and forth with her daughter as she screamed, threw fits, and disturbed everyone around them. The mother did everything (suggest everything else on the menu as another meal, try to soothe her, even eventually tell her she didn't care if she ate and she could sit there and watch her eat)...everything that is, except remove her from the setting.

An older gentleman near them asked in a loud voice if the mother would mind taking her daughter out so he and his wife could eat in peace. The mother was appalled and obviously offended. She asked him if he could "have a little sympathy" and said "she's only 4!"

Eventually, about 35 minutes later (after the waiter came back 5 times to take their order), I guess the little girl finally realized that she was indeed hungry and she calmed down, begrudgingly chose something from the menu and poutily told the waiter what she wanted. The waiter brought out their food later and they ate, chatted, and from appearances had a great meal. And you know what? I resented the hell out of them. How wonderful of them to be able to enjoy their meal when they ruined most of ours.

I just read an article about a restaurant in North Carolina that is getting a lot of heat from a sign they posted on their front door that states, "Screaming children WILL NOT be tolerated!" I want to get some of your opinions. Should parents be expected to control their children in public? Are those who expect them to "cruel"? 

OMG I just read the same article LOL

When my son was young and started to scream and pitch a fit in a public place My husband or I would always take him out. I think this is common courtesy to the others around you.

I have to admit that since I havent had a little one in awhile that crying and screaming does tend to irritate me.
I will admit that if it is a very small baby I am more tolerant than if it is toddler or older child just pitching a fit because they didnt get their way.

But I would rather hear crying any day than WHINING! 

I dont know how i feel about it. I hate when kids scream but i have had my kids have fits but i get them calmed down within 5 minutes. I do understand where they are coming from. I dont know...I know i'll say h3ll yeah i agree then i'll be at a restaurant eating and my kid will be the screamer and i'll have to leave haha. 

Personally I have a 4 year old son and at time he can be a little hard to control in a restaurant, however does not throw fits (he is just a bit antsy he has a lot of energy) recently while driving through Texas we stopped at a texas road house for dinner, my 9 month old smacked his face on the table and was crying and my 4 year old was moving around in the booth (he had been cooped up in a car for 12 hours) the people behind us finished there meal and as they got up called us "white Trash" it took everything to keep my husband from giving them a piece of his mind. My personal opinion is that children in restaurants should be tolerated to a certain extent, then a parent should remove them. IDK I think that anyone who has ever had a small child (which is most people) know how to tolerate a little comotion, as a parent it is embarassing to have your child throw a fit but it is necessary to teach our children how to behave in a restaurant enviornment which unfortunatly sometimes means that they will act up, but as i said to an extent. Thats my personal opinion. 

I have to say for me personally, I was a mom that wouldn't tolerate the fits in restruants. My sons learned early on that when they decided to act up, either I or my husband would take them to the car and sit with them until they got the message loud and clear; at restruants we go to enjoy the nicetties ( sp) of someone else cooking and being waited on. If you choose to start acting up then you didn't get to enjoy that , you got to go home and have a PB & J , a glass of milk , and some sort of piece of fruit. ( all that was chosen by mom or dad) if you didn't eat that , then you decided to wait til the next meal . It didn't take long for my then toddlers to decide that they would rather be "adult" and get to chose a "special Meal" cause it was more fun. PS. the parent who had to go to the car with the child still got their meal, to go , but it was always still hot as it was ordered at the end of the other's meals so they would enjoy it also. So it was a win / win. 

Ok so here's my take on this. Kids are kids and are not going to be perfect. They going to be fidgety and restless sometimes and I think that in most resturants it is OK, as long as they are not being loud/rude to those around them. I try to keep spare pens and post it or small note pads in my purse in case they don't get anything to keep their fidgety hands busy. As far as pitching a fit well lets face it we've all been there, and while I think kids whining and screaming crying should be removed from the situation I also think others should be compasionate to the situation as well and give the parents a fair chance to calm the child. I usually don't start to get aggitated until 5 minutes has gone by and the kid is still having a fit. I think it is reasonable after about 5 minutes to be asked to remove the child if you are in a nicer resturant. 

Our daughter is now 15, but I don't remember her ever having tantrums, per se. If she had, I could never see myself just pretending it doesn't happen (like I see so many other parents do when their child is having a screaming fit in a public place at the expense of others' ears and sanity). I also believe that children are children, but I also believe that they can be still be children while being expected to behave to a certain degree by being given rules to follow (and consequences if they don't).

I think sympathy and compassion are both welcome, but I think it's selfish for parents to expect sympathy and compassion to be a requirement. People don't love your little one like you do, so you can't expect everyone to have the same level of understanding you have for your child when he/she is inconveniencing them. And speaking of compassion and sympathy, where is theirs for others whose outings are being ruined by their child? When their child throws a 20 minute fit in a restaurant as they sit there with their nose in their meatloaf as if nothing is happening, will they reimburse the waiter who will likely not get a good tip (through no fault of their own) because they didn't enjoy their meal? Will they reimburse each patron the cost of their meal they didn't get to enjoy? Will they take the mop and broom from the busboy and clean the mess their child made while he was tearing up the table and throwing things all over in the midst of his/her fit? NO. But we're expected to show these same rude individuals the same courtesy the DON'T show us.

The part that really got me from this whole experience is that the woman said to the child several times (as if she could understand), "Stop, you're disturbing other people..." Yes, she was disturbing others, and yes, she was the child in the situation so IMO, yes, the MOTHER should have removed her from the situation.

Don't get me started on why I don't go to the movies...lol. 

This is my opinion, if you have children learn how to control them when you are in public! Have respect for the people that are around you! I'm sorry but if I am going into a place where I am supposed to be able to relax but can't because someones child is on a tangeant, Im going to be upset. Its common courtesy. 

sorry double post :) 

idk... i make all 5 of mine sit and be respectful. they start using bad table manners or something, i have no problem thumping them in the head like i do at home. They know that if they scream or embarass me in public they will be getting their a$$ beat when we get home. I have tried to teach them to be respectful of others around us. I think respect for other is one thing that is seriously lacking in this society. If we all practiced it a little more then the world would be a much nicer place.

All that being said, my 7 year old is autistic. For those that don't understand autism, there are certain things that WILL set him off. Some of those things are obvious (he is deathly afraid of dogs) but others are unpredictable. For example, something in the CYS Central Registration office sets him into tantrum mode. What? Who could tell. In anycase, please be mindful that not every kid tantruming is just a basic little brat (like this kid Tee C is referring to apparently is... if she had issues, mom would have explained... at least I do). Some kiddos have issues and quite frankly don't understand. However, if Bradley loses it we don't generally stay and force everyone around us to witness it. I will pick him up and carry him kicking and screaming to the car and deal with him there. :) 

daisy_petals2000, I totally understand where you're coming from. I am a former teacher and taught 4 semesters of Special Needs (and my beautiful nephew who just turned 18 and graduated from high school is also autistic), so I know that there are always exceptions. But as you said, I do not think this little girl had special needs. I do, however, think she was very precocious and thought that if she screamed, argued, and threw a fit long enough, she'd get her Cini-Minion pancakes. Sigh...

I just want people to take responsibility as parents. At the movies, at restaurants (both family-style franchises and upscale eateries), when shopping, even in CHURCH, I can't escape. And I am looked upon as the "bad guy" because I except a certain sense of courtesy and decorum. Oh well, I will be the bad guy. WHY would you think a 2 year-old could sit through a 2-hour, R-RATED movie without talking or fussing? Are you that selfish that you couldn't take him out and allow us to get our money's worth? WHY do you think it's okay for your child to run through a store and bang into the backs of people's legs with a cart while you just stand in line waiting to check out as if everything is perfectly fine. I don't know. I'm just tired of it. 

That's horrid! I can usually tell when my toddler isn't ready for a dinner out and we'll just stay home, but I have walked out of public places because she was throwing a fit and wouldn't calm down including restaurants. It's common courtesy, plus if I don't wanna listen to her throw a fit, why would I expose someone else to it?? It's all about being a parent, making sacrifices, that lady was just plain rude and ignorant. Especially since her daughter is 4yrs old, she should know better. My 19 month old isn't perfect but she knows what it means to "be nice" already so that we don't have meltdowns like that. 

lol Blondie...I have a 4 year old and I leave when and if she cant calm herself down. You have to understand that when your child hits 4 they start testing their boundaries more and more. Just because your child is perfect now doesnt mean she will be perfect at 4...lol. I by no means condone what this lady did, but I understand why a 4 yr old would throw a tantrum. 

Kids will be kids, and that won't change. The only thing that disturbs me is there was no direction from the parent. Oh well she will learn the further she goes without discipline the worse it will get! 

in my opinion kids will be kids and at a restaurant I will say kids 5 and under will have fits at times. that is just nature no one can stop that. I have 3 kids 10, 8, and 2 1/2 and they all had tantrums. They did calm down but really. if it bothers people that much then they should not eat out. and yes I read that article and to ban a child to have a meal with their parents that is stupid. (I have other words I wont say)But you can't demand a one year old or 2 to not show out. They are still learning and to keep them in the house until 6, 7, 10 or so on is just wrong just because you want a meal in piece. then eat at home I say. Small kids need that expierance in the world to develop. Sorry about me going on 

Parenting to me is two handed just like we are, it requires equal disapline and love to far in either direction and you end up with spoiled or abused. my kids get toys at xmas and there bday I know parents who buy 10-20 dollar toys everytime they go in walmart 2-3 times a week. then are surprised when little"timmy" is unapreciative and punches them when he doesnt get his way. BS! I think it is not the childs fault. parents make them what they are its our job as for special needs kids that just means your job is that much harder. do your job as a parent or keep your legs closed.I believe there should be an IQ prerequisite to procreate.harsh I know, but look what leaniancy has created us in america.Parent for a better future not to be your kids freind. 

your kid can be spoiled and you dont have to buy them everything. I know I spoiled my daughter since she was my first but I never bought her everything every time and did the same with my others. and they are just kids. they know manners and are disaplined and know I dont play but they will test you and act up 

my kids get toys at xmas and there bday


yay! someone who thinks like me. :) i wasn't about to deal with "i want, i want, i want" and be required to buy the kids something to get out of a store without a meltdown. that is crazy. we started this day 1 and my oldest is 9 and it still works...

you are also right about parenting special needs kiddos. it is definately a MUCH rougher path. I didn't mean to use it as an excuse - more of an explaination. Fortuantely, as my son has gotten older, we have gotten away from the crazy fits, but in the early days I had plenty of times when I did drag him out of a public place only to be targeted with ugly comments and stares. Believe me, it is a LONG FREAKIN WALK from the back of walmart out the front door with a 7 year old in a meltdown. I was simply making a point that most with typically developing kiddos don't think about. :) 

if it bothers people that much then they should not eat out.

America is an advanced, civilized society. We have certain rules that are written into law to protect our rights, and certain unwritten rules of etiquette and courtesy to protect our sensibilities. If you really feel that it is unreasonable for people to expect a certain level of peace in a public arena, and that those same people should refrain from frequenting public places because they do, then I find your standpoint selfish, and indicative of the downturn this country has taken just within the last 30 years. I stopped teaching because of parenting attitudes similar to yours: "It's your problem, not my child's". Implicating that I shouldn't exercise my American freedom to enjoy a public meal without expecting a certain sense of reasonable decorum is outrageous.

When it comes to child-rearing, barely anyone seems to care anymore about how their children's behavior affects other people. My child's loud, ear-piercing fit is disturbing an entire eating establishment? No problem, they should be more understanding, get over it, or not eat out. My child is running through Wal-Mart tossing items off shelves? No problem, the custodians get paid to clean up and anyway they shouldn't have put those items there if they didn't want my child to be enticed. I could go on and on with more examples.

People may believe that they are helping their children by ignoring their rude and/or destructive behavior (or by expecting others to "deal with it") but they are actually raising entitled children who turn into entitled adults. Most importantly, it does a great disservice to the child. Mom and Dad may not mind his outbursts and tantrums, but the world will. 

in my opinion kids will be kids and at a restaurant I will say kids 5 and under will have fits at times. that is just nature no one can stop that. I have 3 kids 10, 8, and 2 1/2 and they all had tantrums. They did calm down but really. if it bothers people that much then they should not eat out. and yes I read that article and to ban a child to have a meal with their parents that is stupid. (I have other words I wont say)But you can't demand a one year old or 2 to not show out. They are still learning and to keep them in the house until 6, 7, 10 or so on is just wrong just because you want a meal in piece. then eat at home I say. Small kids need that expierance in the world to develop. Sorry about me going on

Yes kids will be kids and they will have fits, but if they dont calm down quickly then remove them so the other people in the resturant can enjoy their meal. I go out to eat to enjoy a night out with my family and relax so I dont have to cook, not to hear a child scream. If you have to ask for your meal to go then so be it. If you chose to take your child out to a resturant and they cant seem to handle it then you need to remedy the problem. YOU are the parent, YOU set the example, YOU dictate the situation not the child. Children learn from their parents so be a good teacher.
Be respectful, show courtesy to others. That is what is wrong with our society we dont teach our children respect or courtesy. Courtsey would be taking the child out of the resturant until they calm down if their fit is lengthy. 

I have a toddler and I get "looks" at church and restaurants and all he does is talk. I feel like sometimes people feel that children should be seen not heard. I won't tolerate screaming or meltdowns. In that situation I would have taken her home but everyone is different. 

I too understand that kids will be kids, but there's no reason to ignore a public meltdown and ruin other people's dinner time. I've had to get dinners to go before but I was happy I at least got my dinner, even if I had to take it home. I still didn't have to cook! Children have to learn manners and that includes how to act in public. 

Well said centerofattention and Tee C

Good suggestion Blondie! 

I have a toddler and I get "looks" at church and restaurants and all he does is talk. I feel like sometimes people feel that children should be seen not heard. I won't tolerate screaming or meltdowns. In that situation I would have taken her home but everyone is different.


lol... really? he is such a good baby. shoot, if anything I would say he is pretty quiet. 

Thanks, I think he behaves very well for his age. I think we get looks because people expect him to act a certain way because of his age. He is very social now and likes to say hi but I find that some are bothered by that. 

likes to say hi but I find that some are bothered by that


those are the ppl who are so miserable in life they can't see the joy and innocence in a child. no worries girl, he is adorable and both ur babies are very polite and well behaved. :) ur doing good mama. 

in my opinion kids will be kids and at a restaurant I will say kids 5 and under will have fits at times. that is just nature no one can stop that. I have 3 kids 10, 8, and 2 1/2 and they all had tantrums. They did calm down but really. if it bothers people that much then they should not eat out

I so agree, people need to have a little bit of understanding, as parents why should we have to stay home? 

I dont think parents should have to stay home. what people are saying is to control your children when in public.thats all. 

people need to have a little bit of understanding

It is certainly nice when people have understanding for kids throwing tantrums, but I believe it's unreasonable to expect people to have understanding. If they are inconvenienced by the noise a child's fit is making(especially if it lasts for quite some time), then it is their right to feel that way. Who enjoys shrill screaming and thrashing around while trying to enjoy a meal and conversation?

as parents why should we have to stay home?

As a patron, why should I have to be inconvenienced because of a lack of respect for my personal enjoyment? I am a parent too, so I don't expect anyone to stay home and not solicit public establishments if they have children; I would--however--like parents to have enough common courtesy to know when their children's actions are affecting others around them and actually do something about it instead of just sitting there. Just because it doesn't bother the parent doesn't mean it isn't bothering everyone else. But everyone else can just get over it because it's all about the parents and their children, right?

I think it is just plain rude for a parent to allow a child to carry on in public ad nauseum without at least attempting to alleviate the situation for all involved. If adults make a scene in a restaurant they are surely asked to leave, but parents are supposed to get a pass for their children causing a scene as well? I don't agree with that. Had the child in the restaurant we were in fussed for 5 minutes and then calmed down I don't think a reasonable person would have had a problem with that, but she threw a hardcore conniption and whining fit for almost 40 minutes from start to finish and I'm supposed to get over it or leave? What sense does that make? 

I have 3 kids...9,7,and 3. I have done my job as a parent and my children don't act up when we go out to eat. Fact of the matter is I am paying to be in a relaxing environment..not to hear some kid crying. My thought is if you can't get your kid in check, then leave. I am not talking about the occasional fit throwing as I as a parent know its going to happen. But when your child Is out of control don't act surprised when I say something.