Every couple I know in the military is or has had some form of infidelity issues and in my case is always the deployed soldier. It hit hard home, but I find it very discouraging when 100% of the couples I know are either trying to get through this or are getting divorces. 

Nope I have been married to my husband 18 years and been through several deployments, even 15 months long and neither of us have ever cheated. Neither have any of our married friends. We don't party, go to clubs, drink or smoke and we associate with the same type of people. I guess we take life and love seriously. 

my husband has never cheated and neither have I. If you are going to cheat then you probably don't want to be in the relationship and once the trust is gone it's almost impossible to get it back. 

No, I will never cheat. It is the other end. Maybe it is just a big coincidence that everyone around me is having troubles. 

I have never cheated and neither has my husband and none of our friends have ended their relationships. 

Your husband is cheating on you while he is deployed? 

Military life is very hard and it isn't always what people expect it to be.

I have been a military wife or 10+ years and 4 deployments... we have never had issues, but we have a really solid marriage. I don't blame those that divorce - I have respect for them for doing the right thing.... it is the ones that cheat their way though a deployment and petend all is perfect when the family reunites.... 

We've been together over 4 years, married over 3 & have never cheated on each other. The friends we choose to hang around aren't the kind of people who would cheat either (if any friend ever did cheat on their spouse, they would no longer be our friend - we have a zero tolerance policy as both our exes cheated on us).

My ex was military also and NEVER deployed (long story) and STILL managed to cheat on me. My hubby's ex cheated on him when he was gone.

We also know of some couples (not friends, but just ppl we happen to know) that have cheated. Most of the ones we know about are actually the WIFE cheating on the husband.

I see it as there are way more opportunities for the wife to cheat here at home than the soldier while deployed (esp with units cracking down on ANY fraternization between males/females on deployments - hubby's unit this last time handed out article 15's to soldiers found in the room of an opposite gender soldier - even if no "hanky panky" was going on - they made it clear to all of them before they left that it would NOT be tolerated).

My take on cheating is this - a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. There really is NO WAY to rebuild the trust once it's lot (you will likely ALWAYS wonder if that person is cheating again). I tried really hard to work things out with my ex but he wasn't willing to work on himself. He continued to work long hours (voluntarily) & went on TDYs (also voluntarily - he was an NCO and COULD have sent someone else). A cheater will always find the opportunity to cheat - whether or not their spouse is military or home/deployed if they are military. 

What makes me mad is when someone has been cheated on but doesn't know. It's sickening! Or maybe they do know and just don't want to acknowledge it. Either way, it's sad. 

I know many couples who don't have those issues. 

related topic - Is it wrong that when we found out a wife was talking to her ex (in a sexual way - like about hooking up/starting a relationship) while her hubby was deployed that we told him? (we weren't/aren't friends with this couple but felt the guy had a right to know).

End result - he thanked us for telling him, said her SISTER had already informed him (apparently it had been going on much longer than we knew about) & they are still together (last we heard - like I said, we don't really interact with them). 

Cant say I agree either... the only pattern that i've seen is young couples not figuring out the money thing before the hubby deploys and then the wife leaves while hes gone, takes the kids, the savings, and whatever else she can carry. 

in the few years i've been here i have a list of 50 women & soldiers that have cheated and it always seems to be right around that 6 month mark where they lose it. there's 1 now where an old neighbor (who is deployed to Iraq) just made Sgt & has been cheating on his wife w/a Spc in his unit. they lied & got away with it. his wife still packed up & just went home & is filing for a divorce.
another couple the woman just went home after catching her husband right before his deployment. done.
AND there's someone on my street who's husband is apparently on his 2nd deployment & guys in my husbands co is sleeping with her!
another old neighbor has DV issues & put her husband in jail & turned around & got wasted & slept w/his friend who was there to "help"
i've fronted them all out & dang straight i let their spouses know when they return. this is just the last few out of the 50!
another former neighbor was talking to her other husband *hadn't divorced before remarrying* and saying i love you & making kissing faces but she thought it was all cool because her husband was deployed & cheating on her. wtfe!
i've lost several friends over it because they all need a scapegoat to be mad at rather than taking responsibility & moving forward but the way i see it is they shouldn't have done it & definitely not have let me know about it.
i could write a book about it. i'm hoping i start seeing something better around here or else i'll keep running ppl off or just having single soldiers as our friends. lol 

Im not sure how they are cheating while deployed. I know my husbands unit is very strict about who can be in chu's and etc. They have to stand outside to talk if it is a female and a male soldier. Maybe some units arent as strict? 

My husband nor myself cheated on each other as we both have been cheated on by our exes. We are going on 5 years of marriage and 7 years of being together. We don't surround ourselves with people like that. I don't think ots my place to air other peoples dirty laundry, nor my place to run and tell. I keep to my life and what's going on in my relationship. 

we've got 10 1/2 years under our belt. it's all fine until you make friends with the neighborhood here on post & watch person after person throw the morals of marriage out the window. i refuse to be someones friend that is doing that & if they can't accept me walking away from it all then i have no problem letting people know what's up. and to hear half of them brag about their spouse not knowing. if it's dirty laundry than i'll gladly wash it for them if they can't keep it clean themselves. 

My husband and I have been together for almost 17 years, and this is my philosophy on cheating: I will never say I won't cheat. What I will say, however, is that I won't willingly put myself in a position to cheat. That means not allowing myself to get emotionally or physically close enough to another man besides my husband, flirting, chatting online with men, partying like a rock star, etc.

Cheating is not an event; it's a pattern. It starts out innocently enough, but it starts with an idea and ends with the act. So do I trust myself, in this flesh and blood body? No, because my human needs will fail me each time. But will I trust myself to steer clear of temptation? Absolutely. 

Nicely put Tee C! :) 

I agree that I wouldn't put myself in that situation, but if I was put in an akward position I am pretty sure I have enough will power to say no and walk away. I love my husband and I know that if something were to ever happen that would destroy him. Knowing that is motivation enough to say no, and not put myself in those situations. 

I agree that I wouldn't put myself in that situation, but if I was put in an akward position I am pretty sure I have enough will power to say no and walk away. I love my husband and I know that if something were to ever happen that would destroy him. Knowing that is motivation enough to say no, and not put myself in those situations.

I love my husband dearly--very, very dearly--but I am human. I'd love to tell the world that I wouldn't think twice about saying "No" if I had the opportunity to sleep with David Beckham or Robert Hoffman, but that simply isn't the case. Because I'm adult enough to admit that yes, I'd want to--because I'm physically attracted to them.

I've seen a lot of relationships crumble because of infidelity; I've seen a lot of good people make bad decisions when it comes to cheating. But I also know that everyone who cheats doesn't do it because they lack willpower or don't love their spouse; they just succumbed to a moment of weakness and made a bad decision they wished they could retract later. Some cheaters are dogs who don't care if they hurt their spouses over and over again with their actions, but some are good people who did a bad thing. I don't want to be either of those, so I just choose to cut it off at the pass. It seems kind of cowardly, but it has been effective thus far. 

I understand what you are saying, but I have been in a marriage where I was cheated on and it broke me. I wouldn't want to put anyone through that ever. That's why I believe Id never cheat. 

That and if I was wanting a divorce Id just say so and not seek out a different partner until my divorce was final... 

I don't think ots my place to air other peoples dirty laundry, nor my place to run and tell. I keep to my life and what's going on in my relationship.


I normally wouldn't "rat out" someone for cheating but I was in a situation once with an ex friend who cheated during her husbands entire deployment. She convinced me that he did the same and they were both ok with it only while he was gone. Once he came home and she started using me as her alibi for leaving at night when she wasgoing to meet these guys I didn't think twice about telling her husband. 

and you're right BLM about being broken when your spouse cheats. My first husband cheated and he didn't just do it once or twice it was time and time again. I had girls calling me at work and emailing me pics of my car in their driveway! I would take him back and he would just do it again! My husband's ex cheated on him and he knows how it feels. Inever worry about him, he always makes the effort to let me know what hes doing if we're not together and I appreciate that because I'm the same way. 

I don't think ots my place to air other peoples dirty laundry, nor my place to run and tell. I keep to my life and what's going on in my relationship.

well when this woman basically told me she was going to have a relationship with this other guy (her ex) while still staying in HOUSING with her husband til she could a) finish school & b) figure out WHICH one she wanted to be with I figured I needed to say something so he knew what was up.

I guess all her "friends" (if she even told any of them) either told her she was an idiot or stopped talking to her that's why she was telling me... b/c honestly we were NOT that "close" nor even really "friends" (we had seen each other like 5 times (going to dinner with others etc) in 3 yrs & hung out at my house ONCE).

I agree with BLM if you decide the relationship/marriage is over, END it 1st before you start a new one... it's not that hard but some people just can't seem to grasp the concept... it's like teaching a child to play with 1 toy at a time... some get it... some don't 

my old neighbor was the same way! Her and her husband had a domestic so he went to the barracks, she stayed in housing for 8 months and she had soldier after soldier in and out of that house! Every weekend it was a party over there and she had two other army wives over there hooking up with guys! 

Her and her husband had a domestic so he went to the barracks, she stayed in housing for 8 months and she had soldier after soldier in and out of that house! Every weekend it was a party over there and she had two other army wives over there hooking up with guys

that is exactly what an ex friend of mine did. sounds like a girl that lived in Forsyth on Pommel 

that's why she was telling me

she's telling you in hopes that YOU will tell for her. if she didn't want someone to do the hard part for her she wouldn't be telling you is the way i see it 

Im not sure how they are cheating while deployed. I know my husbands unit is very strict about who can be in chu's and etc. They have to stand outside to talk if it is a female and a male soldier. Maybe some units arent as strict?

Maybe some units are more strict than others. Maybe some people are just more sneaky than others. My husband in in the Infantry and the other few, maybe 3, women they had around were cooks. My husband said that one of the women got transfered to another area, because she was sleeping with at least 2 soliders regularly in his unit. Of course, there were other rumored relationships involving her.

My husband and I have been together for almost 17 years, and this is my philosophy on cheating: I will never say I won't cheat. What I will say, however, is that I won't willingly put myself in a position to cheat. That means not allowing myself to get emotionally or physically close enough to another man besides my husband, flirting, chatting online with men, partying like a rock star, etc.

Cheating is not an event; it's a pattern. It starts out innocently enough, but it starts with an idea and ends with the act. So do I trust myself, in this flesh and blood body? No, because my human needs will fail me each time. But will I trust myself to steer clear of temptation? Absolutely.

I completely agree with Tee C on this. I would love to say that I would never cheat. I honestly feel like I never would, but there are those moments of weakness that everyone has. It could be during a deployment or just during a rough day. I catch myself in those moments and try to seclude myself to close girlfriends, family or my husband. I know if I turn to anyone else it could spark trouble in the long run. I would never put myself in position like that. 

I honestly feel like I never would, but there are those moments of weakness that everyone has

I guess im not everyone because after 19 years of marriage (not 18 like in my previous post, yrs i messed up and hit the 8 instead of 9) i have never ever had that moment or weakness. my husband and i have a very strong marriage we were married at 17 and are just as much in love today as back then, if not more