ok, does anyone else have this problem?
My husband and i have been married for a little over 2 years, have been together for 4. Well, since we have gotten married he has been having issues with needing attention from other females on facebook, myspace, etc. It's ALWAYS behind my back, hes never upfront about it. I have comfronted him several times and he is never honest unless i point it out. He adds old friends from high school, then messages them, then it leads to the exchange of phone numbers and texting. In the past incidences, 4 or 5 times, this has led to exchanging picture messages, inappropriate ones. Or emailing them back and forth. I have forgave him several times. Well, it's been 6 months since he has felt the need to do any of that and guess what, it's starting back AGAIN. I was trying to create a triwest acount for him yesterday and saw an email from a female messaging him on facebook, so im like wtf, so i go onto his facebook and BEHOLD, hes telling her to text him or call him anytime. So i confront him about it and hes says its not a big deal,he just wants someone to talk to, well isnt that what im here for?! And he tells me to stay out of his business. I try to talk to him every day but i just get attitude and short answers! So, finally i feel like we are on the same page and he realizes he was wrong, then i go and check out cell phone bill today and they have been texting for like 3 hours when he tells me yesterday that he isnt going to speak to her! I seriously just dont know what to do at this point. All this does is make me feel like i am NEVER EVER going to be enough for him. 

i had that problem when my hubby was deployed in Iraq. so what i did is got on myspace and added a guy i knew and he didnt like it at all. 

but see people go about doing things different. try to get his soft spot, that sometimes works. 

ive tried that, he knows i would never ever be unfaithful or talk to another guy like that, or text another guy...so he doesnt ever feel threatened. 

Every guy is different. I will tell you that my husband was doing the exact same thing 2 months before we got married. Seriously broke my heart right before getting married. He said i was totally taking it the wrong way. We argued for days over this and then I thought it had stopped and about a week later came home and this girl had the nerve to send me a message on fb telling me that they just got done texting as soon as I drove up. Of course I believed her since the woman knew I had just got home. But I guess since the invitations were out and wedding plans were in the works he thought i would get over it...UM No...I packed up a few things and told him i would call him after i had time to think. After 87 calls in 6 hours I decided he might be ready to fix this problem. That was a year and half ago. He said he realized that I wasn't playing and that even though I loved him..he realized I wouldn't ever put up with crap!

O and back then he would get mad if I ever tryed to check up on what he was doing or talking to and now I don't even have to and if I did ask he would bring me his phone that second without a complaint. I hope whatever you decide to do will make yall happy but you can't just let him run over you 

i've threatened to leave him so many times..everytime ive found out. And when he does it and i confront him, he always finds some way to make an excuse for doing it and blaming me somehow... 

Well you have to remember that it is not your fault. Period. When my hubby was ready to discuss the situation I explained that communication is key in a relationship and if there is a problem we have to discuss anything and everything when it happens. When a spouse is talking to another person then there is a problem in a marriage, but it seems like you are trying to work on it and he just keeps making excuses. Until he can admit there is a problem and that yall should work on things and admit he DID wrong your heart is gonna go through hell until then. I promise I don't know everything but i went through an AWFUL marriage and learned a lot! This is my second marriage and I honestly don't think I could be happier. Since that bad experience a year and half ago our marriage is awesome, but it took a lot of nights really learning how to communicate. I told him if he at anytime doesn't feel needed or wanted or if he feels like I'm not giving him enough attention to tell me right then, not in a day or week, right then. Id rather get my feelings hurt for a min than heartache later 

yeah, the more i keep thinking about things and going over them in my head, the more i'm just realizing i really dont think there is anything else i can do. All i've done is blame myself since all of this started because that's what he has done. Im not pretty enough, i dont have a nice enough body (well, ive had 2 kids in the past 2 years, so of course im not perfect), and i dont have a good enough personality. I try to talk to him about his day, ive tried to play xbox with him, i try to show interest in what he is interested in. When we have issues, i tell him we need to communicate because if we dont it's just going to get worse and all he does is tell me to leave him alone (thats putting it nicely) and refuses to talk about it. I just feel like we are going in circles with this while him needing attention from other females thing and it does put my heart through hell every single time and he knows that but doesnt seem to have the slightest care in the world 

Im so sorry Britt. If he isn't trying then Im sorry. Some men just stink! If it gets worse remember I'm here if you need to talk. You can send me a message. Sometimes men don't realize how stupid they are until its too late. My brother did the same thing and after he realized how much my sis in law did for him and after that child support started adding up his world is upside down, and even though he is my brother I still think he got what he deserved. 

i've threatened to leave him so many times
Thats your problem right there...They are meaningless threats. One thing I have learned in 16 years of marriage, dont say what you dont mean. If you are going to say it, own up to it.

I am sorry you are going thru this. Men think with the wrong parts most of the time. I hope you get it worked out, but until he grows up and accepts responsibility for his actions its never going to get better.

Maybe try marriage counseling. Worth a shot if you really want to work on this. If he says he wont go, then you go by yourself. Then if your marriage ends you can atleast say that you tried everything you could to save it. 

i know how you feel...thats why we don`t have fb or myspace...all them sites are in my opinion a bunch off bull...i rather talk on the phone or visit my friends...i love the drama free life! so,what i need a million friends for or why do i need other guys?? idk..i rather have a few really really good friends near or far...then 1 mio. "friends" lmao 

Maybe try marriage counseling. Worth a shot if you really want to work on this.

we went and it helped while we were going, but after we stopped going everything just went back to the way it was before we even went.. 

Oh gosh Britt... I am sorry that this is happening... I have been married for 27 years and while I am not perfect either, my husband has loved me through thick and thin... so saying that you are not pretty enough or have a great body.... well, that should not matter... like michelle said, it is not your fault... I truly hope you do what you need to do for your happiness... 

we went and it helped while we were going, but after we stopped going everything just went back to the way it was before we even went..
Well go again. 

Cant change someone that doesn't want to change. Counseling might help you but it will always go back to the way it was with him as long as he feels what he is doing is 'okay'. Keep your head up. Just keep telling yourself "its him and not me" Only you can tell when you have had enough and are done. There is only so much give one person can do when everything is being sucked from you mentally and physically. There has to be a point when enough is enough. (((HUGS)) 

i posted something similar awhile back .. me and my husband met thru the internet and i c woman all the time and it erks me soooo bad because anything can come from social networks though they say its not a big deal to us it is.

keep sane and hope everything works the way you want it to 

My outlook on things is a person will do things if they know they can get away with it. Maybe that's why I've been with my husband for 12 years and still going strong. He knows I love him and want him. But he knows that I don't need him. There's a difference.

What's that saying..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I'm not cold-hearted or trying to be a b***h...but there's only so much a person should take. I hope everything works out for you and your happiness. :) 

My outlook on things is a person will do things if they know they can get away with it. Maybe that's why I've been with my husband for 12 years and still going strong. He knows I love him and want him. But he knows that I don't need him. There's a difference.

What's that saying..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I'm not cold-hearted or trying to be a b***h...but there's only so much a person should take. I hope everything works out for you and your happiness. :)



I have to agree here with Lucky Seven not being mean but Ive been with my husband 18+ years and i dont make threats ..its all promises ..he knows I wont hesitate if he disrespects me or does me wrong he can walk one way and I will walk the other --yes i love that man but it shows me he dont care for me the way I want if he would do something like that. We have talked about this so he knows and has been forewarned.

I do hope things get better for you in whatever path you choose to go with this issue. 

Same thing here, hubby has all the old girlfriends & high school flings add him & they fall in love all over again & its non stop daily texting now...oh well I guess 

Exactly Hope...my husband knows that if I don't make him happy. And I know that I did everything in my power to make things right on my end. Then he can walk away from our marriage. I won't hold him back. As long as there are still people here on this earth. And if my marriage doesn't work out...at least I know there is someone out there that I know will love, honor and respect me in every way. That's if I decide to get in a relationship again. I know I have choices....

Britt--he doesn't respect you or your marriage. Point blank. I'll be dam*ed if my husband says to stay out of his business. Pshhhh...when we exchanged vows...you became my business sweetheart.


Peggy--what do you want? As in your marriage. Do you want to work it out? I mean, you said oh well I guess . Ladies...you have to be strong. You have options. You don't have to take the b.s.. No, it may not be easy but you have to make things happen. On that note....again...I hope you two(Peggy and Britt) can get your "happy" back. And I'm just assuming you aren't "happy" in your situation. I know I wouldn't be if I was in your shoes. Good luck and God bless... 

This is when I would pack my bags, put them by the door and tell him EXACTLY what I need from him or I leave, kids and all (I have done this once and never had to again). No way in hell would I stay in a marriage where I was under appreciated. You deserve his UNDIVIDED love and attention and if he is unable to give it he shouldn't have said I do. I know you love him, but you deserve to be happy too and you will regret letting him take advantage if you stay like this. 

i've threatened to leave him so many times..everytime ive found out. And when he does it and i confront him, he always finds some way to make an excuse for doing it and blaming me somehow...

And in my humble opinion, I believe therein lies your problem. He is being what's called "Wrong and strong"; he knows his behavior is inappropriate and hurtful but at the same time he doesn't want to change, so the easiest thing to do so he can continue the behavior is to blame it on you.

For every action, there is a reaction; if you confront your husband about what he is doing and he does nothing or reverts back to that same behavior (with no consequences), then know that his behavior will not change. He has no incentive to not go on Facebook and solicit women if he knows that all you will do is get angry; he has already proven that he can deal with you being angry about it and it isn't a problem for him.

It may not seem like it on the surface, but what he's doing is cheating; cheating comes in many forms. I would never--NEVER--tell anyone to leave their spouse, but what you're going to have to ask yourself are the following questions:

1) If he doesn't change his behavior, can I accept that?
2) Am I prepared to continue to deal with the behavior and be unhappy in order to stay in a relationship with him?
3) If I can't accept his behavior and he doesn't or won't change, what will by MY response/actions?
4) Am I willing to leave him over this? If I am not, am I willing to stay and deal with it?

Those are only questions that you can answer, and you'll have to make peace with what you decide. Anyone call tell you what to do but remember, you are the one who will have to live with whatever you choose, so do what works for your life and your relationship.

Blessings to you. 

The quote "its none of your buisness" disturbed me. Maybe its just my marriage but my husbands buisness is my buisness, and my buisness is his buisness. We share everything. To me when I read that he is already seperating his buisness. Is he insecure? If a guy needs that much female interaction thats the first thing that comes to mind. Bless your heart because if it was me I would have left a long time ago. 

Very well said, Tee C. I TOTALLY agree with you and it IS a form of cheating, it's called an "Emotional Affair" Best of luck to you, sweetie. Stay strong and you will get thru this no matter what decision you make :0) 

Ditto.. 

The EXACT same thing was going on between my husband and me up until like feb this year. He started having an emotional relationship with a soldier in AIT and then he would text, message girls from HS and then Im prego with our 2nd baby and he tells me hes huntin with his Dad and had car trouble and i see his pic on FB at a girls house. WE came home and left our daughter with my parents so we could try and sort through things. Well I stayed with him and a few months later I find out he was still talkin to her and started talkin to the chick from AIT AGAIN!!! so I flip and pack all the kids stuff and mine, call my parents to come get me and make him leave. But I didnt go home and stayed with him. I still dont trust him AT ALL but we are in a good place...but he knows if he does it again Im gone and I wont think twice.

You have to think about you...I wish I would have. I still to this day believe I should have left my husband bc I think it would have gotten thru to him sooner. You will make the right decision. Stay strong 

I think its important to know that everyone's tolerance level is different. This issue has ended many marriages, but some have made it through to see the other side as well. I would say- know what YOU want to do.

I would say once you get to a point, where you feel like you have done everything you feel comfortable doing to resolve the problem, and he keeps being a dousche, leave chick. You don't have to divorce him tomorrow or make hasty decisions, but, you can leave. Stay with a girlfriend, or go home for a little bit. See how YOU feel without him. I wouldn't give him the power to say when he's going to change. I wouldn't wait for it. 

My husband and I have had some of the same problems. An old girlfriend found him on FB and I knew it was bad just by the way he acted once he seen a message from her. He was all excited and started telling his friend ( right in front of me ) about when they were "together". Needless to say I stormed off and he apologized. He told me they were bestfriends in high school and that he just over reacted. I later find messages between them talking about past experiences, ones I thought he had no business talking about with her since he was married and that she was the past. Even told her she should come to Kansas for vacation! He was mad I read his messages. But not as mad as me. I told him I was gonna leave and take the kids he said he was sorry that he was just making conversation with her. To make a long story short I told him either he deletes her or I leave so he deleted her. Relationships are hard now of days because of the internet. You can find anybody and anything u want. Im sorry you are going through this. I hope everything works out for you. 

Forgive me if what I'm about to post has already been posted but I only read your posting Britt. One quick way to solve the facebook/myspace thing is to agree that you both will delete your accounts and delete them. If he can't delete his account then you will see what is more important to him and then you can choose to walk out that door with your children until he can grow up and realize what is more important. My husband and I have deleted our myspace accounts and we will be deleting our facebook accounts once he comes home from deployment which is right around the corner. Before my husaband and I got married myspace was the big thing then and that is how I found out about several of the times he cheated on me. crazy how your not even snooping but come across a friends page who is also your hubby's friend and they have pics of them with other girls. Eventually you find out about all the skeletons in the closet. My husband just got facebook when he deployed but i have had it for a while before he even got it. After reading all this on here I don't want that to be my husband and I again so we will both be deleting our accounts as soon as he gets home. 

http://kentbrandenburg.blogspot.com/2009/02/why-to-delete-facebook-account.html

this is a link to read some more into what others view facebook as.